BigDog Speaks

As you age, every bowl of ice cream you have ever had comes back to you. Usually around your middle, and every area connected by it.

Exercise is a fabulous pastime, for OTHER people.

Power walking is what you do getting to the car. You have to have some way to haul all that ice cream.

A trip to the grocery store can be considered exercise unless you pass pastries, cookies, candy, or ice cream, then all bets are off.

All those blurry beer nights of your youth joins the ice cream as you age. The combination isn't good.

The shiny spot on top of your head cannot be hidden with a comb over. Everybody knows it's there, most are nice enough to not mention it in your presence. Be thankful you can't here the laughter when you aren't around.

Ear hair is not a status symbol. Don't even CONSIDER braiding it. Ditto for eyebrows.

Well groomed when you get older, can be as simple as making sure you are dressed. If you hear screams when out in public, you forgot something.

Bowed legs and shorts are not good combinations. Cowboy boots don't help.

Bran and gas seem to go hand in hand. Why can't we use it for fuel? Ditto for your favorite pot of beans.

Any food that takes your teeth, should be left alone. Denture wearers know what I mean.